It’s that exciting time of year again.
The time where we reflect back on our hopes and dreams for the year?
No it’s the time where I write down all the weird stuff my children have said.
“Mummy how do you milk a ghost?” Was a classic from a previous year. Possibly the best question I’ve ever been asked. Often HMRC tweet “please tweet us with your general questions.” And sometimes like to pass on some of the general questions I’m having to answer “do tattoos last in heaven?” For example.
So anyways, let’s get on with it.
Starting with Percy who turned 9 this year:
1) “I don’t know what it’s called….a woman willy?”
2) (When he was with me buying tights) “I guess M stands for Mario and L stands for Luigi” …it’s medium and Large you crazy boy.
3) “It’s a funny feeling in my willy but I like it!” (Percy describing being on the big swing)
4) “Well my mum’s got an art degree and she says it’s a crayon” ….day 1 of art school that.
5) Me: I really want to break a Guinness word record one day.
Percy: don’t worry mum if you don’t we’ll do most rubber ducks at a funeral.
6) “Stop showing off Mummy you’re going to hurt yourself” ….but once you’ve mastered riding a bike all mum’s teach non handed bike riding right?
This year is the year they became properly bilingual so I’m probably missing some funny quotes out by not being fluent in french. I’ll work on getting some French ones in here next year but in the mean time here some quote from Eric who turned 6 this year.
1) “Hey see that black mark on the wall? That’s where I punched a fly to death”
2) (Dan had a rip in his shorts) “why don’t you poo yourself and let the poo fill the gaps?”
3) Eric: I think I’m going to go to Asia?
Me: oh really when?
Eric: when I’m 55.
4) Me: what do you want to do today boys?
Eric: get loads of money.
5) “Hey God, want a water fight? It’s time for one.” It’s safe to say Eric lost.
6) “If Jesus died in a waffle he could have just eaten his way out.” I guess that is a fact. Although the stone being rolled away does have more of a visual impact for Easter cards than just crumbs of a waffle.
7) “I’m playing the guitar with my willy”
8) Erics Joke: what do you call a statue made of sausages? …a pig.
And now for a few joint quotes:
1) Life plans:
Percy: I will marry a french woman because I want to live in France and if I married an English woman I would have to do the French paperwork for her.
Eric: I will marry an English man or woman and I will teach French in England.
2) unemployment advice:
Dan: I’ve lost my job so I will be looking for a new one.
Eric: Daddy what do you love to do?
Percy: It doesn’t matter what he loves to do Eric, he’s got to find a job so we don’t all perish!
3) Fun times
Eric: hit me with that pillow again!
Percy: where?
Eric: The tongue!
If you have enjoyed these you can see past ones by following these links:
And future ones as they happen by following @comedyhan on twitter.
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