Being 4, 14, 24, and 34.

On Monday I turned 34. I know right, I never thought I'd be a dull age like that. I best suited being 11 and 21, they are ages when you can muck about and do stupid fun things and everyone just thinks you are a good laugh. e.g an 11 year old or a 21 year old climbing a tree..."what a fun outgoing girl."

a 14 year old or a 34 year old mum climbing a tree "why are you doing that? are you OK?" I'm going to examine my life at these ages: 4,14, 24, 34.

Four (1990)
4 was alright I guess. I was cute, and I think it was before I decided I wasn't ever going to fit in with normal people, which I think happened when I was 6. I was chatty, I had a lot of questions, I was a daydreamer.

The biggest issue of my life at the time was can I eat my lunch and change into my outdoor shoes before the end of play time. I know because I wrote in my self written school report that the thing I was most proud of that year was learning to eat quicker.

Fourteen (2000)

Ugh I don't recon anyone in the history of the world looked back on their life and thought my happiest year was the year I was 14. Its just one of those in-between horrible ages where people expect you to act like an adult but you're not, it's the worst age for comparison because everyone is going through puberty at different times. All I can say is I'm so glad social media didn't exist then. I would cringe to think what kinds of things I would have written on it. I feel like age 14 started off ok but by the end of the year I was not happy and 15 was my worst year of life. A few little nice memories of this otherwise horrible age was moving to a new bedroom which I was allowed to decorate myself (lilac with a border of silver handprints) and going on French exchange and meeting the loveliest French friend who I went to find again aged 27.

Biggest issue of my life at the time: breaking friends with all my friends, not having snogged anyone, and having a horrible brace.

Twenty Four (2010)

24 was a great and significant age, it was quite transitional. I moved house, from one set of house mates to another, I passed my driving test finally, I got my first properly paid job that I loved doing -art in schools through an agency. I got my hair braided with African braids for a bit, I got my nose pieced, and right at the end of the year I got engaged. I also made the big life move from Radio 1 to Radio 2. I vowed never to to make the move to Radio 4 because everyone knows the life of an average Brit goes Radio 1, Radio 2, Radio 4, dead, and by never making the change to radio 4 I might live forever. Other things I did in that year included, accidentally taking a group of people to see naked live art, making a life-size elephant in my neighbours garage in that super snowy winter.

Biggest issue of my life at the time: When will Dan propose?!

Thirty Four (2020)

My life is very different again, I live in a real grown up persons house with a grown up and 2 tiny people. I'm responsible for stuff. I don't know what I'm doing work wise at the moment, I'm just surviving till September when Eric gets free nursery and then I can look into jobs without it being totally pointless because all the money will go on childcare. I'm a comedian, which 24 year old me never would have guessed.  I've managed to entice my sister and my parents to move to the North West. We've just decided not to have anymore kids. My body is not so great as it was aged 24, (but it has birth 2 kids and survived cancer this decade so it's doing ok) I've just bought my first pair of Bridget Jones style suck you all in pants.

I've finally stopped listening to my 30th birthday party playlist on my iPod and we've moved with the times and got Spotify and some speakers. I know I'm late to the party but it's amazing you can listen to ANY song. Also big news: I just threw out a piece of ham that I laminated 4 years ago. (it was on my things to try before I'm 30 bucket list, see the haminator video here) I don't really know what else will happen this year because it hasn't happened yet. But I hope it involves comedy art friends and fun.

Kid Quotes of the Year

When I was growing up my Dad used to keep a notebook of the funny thing we said things, like my four year old description of fog "dark light". I have done the modern version of this, I tweet them #percyquotes and for the first year #ericquotes have been added. (Percy is 5 Eric is 2) At the end of each year my sister Sarah has made me a t-towel of the best ones, although these have got a bit ruined now so I think I might make them into mugs.

View best quotes of 2018 here. My personal favourite was "how do you milk a ghost?" and "do ice cream don't like snow?"

View 2017 here my faves were "we have two babies one made out of plastic and one made out of real" and "Poor daddy one of his favourite ears is hurting".

I don't think 2019 was the best year for them, but it's interesting to see how they are developing over time. I'm glad we've moved away from the questions about death more now, but Percy is still intrigued by the World Wars, Willies, God, and has recently taken an interest in politics.

I'll start with Eric, he says funny things every day but I only managed to tweet a few:

"my favourite fruit is cake"

"I'm a big boy now, I'm tweventeen thousand"

I think 2020 will be his prime year for more Eric quotes.

and here's Percy's quotes:

"The people in Toy Story must have practised really hard not to look scared when they were doing those stunts"

"Mummy I'm going to plan you a surprise party" Percy let me give you some basic tips on planning a surprise party.

Percy your shirt's on the wrong way round. "oh i thought my head was on the wrong way round"

Have you wee'd on the floor? "that's what my willy just decided it wanted to do"

"why are you making your lips even more red than they are?"

"why did God not give you a willy?"

"this water tastes of bums and fire rockets"

"Mummy when we die do we become shadows or statues?"

"one half of my nose is filled with snot and the other half is filled with bogies and they just keep switching round forever"

"Mummy lets play trains, I'll be Thomas and you be the Fat Controller"

"Mummy you need to practise your parking, I wish Daddy was here"

"but we love Peppa Pig more than you love family time"

a few more joint ones:

Eric: What is the cinema? Percy: It's where films are born.

Percy: I want to marry Eric. Eric: I want to marry Granny

Happy New Year.  x