I think after writing an ode to Helen, I need to mention my boyfriend Dan, I'm not going to write an essay about everyone I've ever know ever, but I'd like to write about him firsly because he is lovely and secondly because it's a funny story. So here is the 5 most significant Han and Dan getting together days in cronological order:
1) The Piramind Day (oct 2006)
Me and Dan first met at Will's 21st beach birthday party, we were briefly in a 4 layer human piramid together I was layer 1 (the top) and he was layer 4. We didn't really speek to each other much because we were strangers. The funny thing about that day was afterwards in Mac donald's when Will (who shall hence forth be known as the Will the Medeler) asked me if I had to marry someone out of Dan, Kurzon, Luke and Eoin who would it be? I said Eoin, I'm not really sure why, but anyway if he asked me again I would change my mind.
2) The Pie Day (Feb 2007)
By Febuary I was in the stage of 'I quite like Dan but I'm not going to do anything about it, I'll just see what happens' we still didn't know eachother hardly at all but I remember one comment after church. I said I'd been selling pies at everton football club all day and I probably smell of pies, and he said 'you're a beautiful lady and not at all like a pie.' That comment was then over analised for about an hour with Rach and Suze, we disscused several important isssues such as:
What was the significance, if any of the word 'lady'?
and Was Dan just saying nice things because he is a nice person or was there a motive behind it?
3) The Twister Day (May 2007)
By May we both definatly liked each other but didn't know that the other one did. It was Dan's birthday bbq and I got there as early as possible and made my hair esspecially nice and curly which was the first thing he said when he opened the door. There was a bit of a nice moment when we both sat on top of his fence alone together, but people kept coming out into the garden and saying 'oh sorry' and going inside again. Later on we go the twister mat out, I stood on it saying I want to play twister and then Will the medeler shouted 'Dan get in here' and Dan who wasn't even in the room was called in to play the most alkward game of twister the world has ever seen, infront of an audience who all seemed to know more than we did.
4) The I know you know day (May 2007)
It all came to a head the day before the 'I know you know day' when we were at a party and everone in the room was acting very strangly and I knew they all knew and I eventually asked Joy if Dan knew, and she said yes and then there was about 10 minutes where I thought 'oh great, he knows I like him and he obviously doesn't like me back or else he would have said something, I feel stupid' and then after 10 mins Joy said 'He likes you to you know'. So that was all the friday the day before the 'I know you know day' so on saturday I phoned him, which was the first time I'd ever phone him he didn't even have my number, and I said...
'I know you know, and now that you know I know you know, maybe we could talk about it?'
it sounds like a primary school exercise sentence for children leaning about the words 'know' and 'now' but it is genuinly what I said and he said...
'Great I'll be at you house it 10 minutes!'
and then we went out for coffee and had a very funny conversation that started with him saying
'so tell me about yourself I only just found out your Dad is from Kuwait'
And I said 'Yeah my Dad's from Kuwait and my mum's from southport...' (and then I was trying to think of a way to bring the conversation back around to me instead of my parents) at this point I should have carryed on thinking for a bit longer but instead I said ....'They had sex, it made me' not the best opening line, but very funny.
Then Dan talked about him and we went to calderstones park. It was one of my favorite ever days. In the evening I had to do bar work which I am very bad at but I mannaged to earn £13 in tips the most I've ever earned because I was smiling so much.
5) The Pregnate Day. (23rd May 2007)
I did not get pregnate on this day! This was our offical will you go out with me day, it started with a trip to the beach in which I burried Dan and gave him a big belly in the style of a pregnant lady. Later on as we we sitting on a sand dune looking out to sea he looked at me very serriosly and said 'so do you want to be pregnant?' ha ha ha....he was obviously meening do you want to be buried but it just came out wrong. I think maybe you had to be there. We went back to Dan's after and had the going out conversation. There was a football match on Liverpool via A.C Milan. If liverpool won I would have to work serving pies in anfield the next day, so we were both cheering for A.C Milan to win so we could see each other the next day, and they won! Good times.
Sunday 29 March 2009
Monday 23 March 2009
My Friend Helen Bradley 2005 - current
I would like to write a post about my good friend Helen, she is possibly my best friend although I wouldn't say that infront of Rachel she is pretty up there too, maybe it's best not to have a best so lets just say she is in my top 5 favorite people along with rachel and three other people that I can't remember the names of. Being in the top 5 may not mean much, a friend of mine one told me I had 'a very high best friend turnover rate.' we're not really friends anymore, how ironic. Thats why I wrote 'My Friend Helen Bradley 2005- current' because thats how long I've known her, although in 2005 I probably just reconised her in a crowd sort of thing. It wasn't until she realise in 2006 that I didn't fancy the same person she did that we became friends before that I was more of a threat to her than a friend.
Anyway, it was Helen's Birthday on saturday she was 25 which is one of those ages I will never reach. When I first met Helen she was just turning 22 which at the time I thought I'd never reach but now looking back as a 23 and 1/4 year old I can see she was in her youth. The great thing about Helen is however old I am I am never as old as her. (Unless she dies before me I suppose then I could overtake her in age.)
It has become a tradition that every birthday I make her a game, this started on her 23rd birthday when I made her a game called 'HADAG' (Helens Amazing Drawing and Acting Game) it involes trying to convey quite difficult words such as 'the periodic t through quite difficult medium such as wire scupture, orrigami, dance, acting whilst giving someone a piggy back ect. On her 24th I made her 'Guess Whom' which was remarkabally simular to another classic board game except the people in it were all her friends. This year I made ' Helens Human truth or dare snakes and ladders' which consists of 40 A4 pieces which are spread out on the floor and you are the counter. If you don't get a snake or ladders you get a truth (e.g When was the last time you washed your sheets?) or a dare (e.g eat a tea-spoon of salt.)
I can't really remember where I was going with this post maybe I shall write an ode to Helen I think an ode is something you write when they're dead but thats so stupid, dead people can't read.
An ode to Helen:
Helen had her birthday and she was 25
that means she esacped the womb in '84 and became 'alive.'
every year on her birthday I make it my aim,
to invent a new exciting fun home-made board game.
I judge the greatness of the game on sticky back plastic,
If I use a lot it is very very fantastic.
we live in liverpool but we've had trips away,
to Poland and Palestine, and snowy Norway.
we share a united discust for ryanair,
the airline that hardly ever gets you anywhere.
we both love spinning circus fire tricks,
thats why she's in my top 5 friends I'd pick.
Obviously thats not that only reason,
Saying things like that is almost treason.
I love her because she is just great,
and I am super happy that she is my mate.
Anyway, it was Helen's Birthday on saturday she was 25 which is one of those ages I will never reach. When I first met Helen she was just turning 22 which at the time I thought I'd never reach but now looking back as a 23 and 1/4 year old I can see she was in her youth. The great thing about Helen is however old I am I am never as old as her. (Unless she dies before me I suppose then I could overtake her in age.)
It has become a tradition that every birthday I make her a game, this started on her 23rd birthday when I made her a game called 'HADAG' (Helens Amazing Drawing and Acting Game) it involes trying to convey quite difficult words such as 'the periodic t through quite difficult medium such as wire scupture, orrigami, dance, acting whilst giving someone a piggy back ect. On her 24th I made her 'Guess Whom' which was remarkabally simular to another classic board game except the people in it were all her friends. This year I made ' Helens Human truth or dare snakes and ladders' which consists of 40 A4 pieces which are spread out on the floor and you are the counter. If you don't get a snake or ladders you get a truth (e.g When was the last time you washed your sheets?) or a dare (e.g eat a tea-spoon of salt.)
I can't really remember where I was going with this post maybe I shall write an ode to Helen I think an ode is something you write when they're dead but thats so stupid, dead people can't read.
An ode to Helen:
Helen had her birthday and she was 25
that means she esacped the womb in '84 and became 'alive.'
every year on her birthday I make it my aim,
to invent a new exciting fun home-made board game.
I judge the greatness of the game on sticky back plastic,
If I use a lot it is very very fantastic.
we live in liverpool but we've had trips away,
to Poland and Palestine, and snowy Norway.
we share a united discust for ryanair,
the airline that hardly ever gets you anywhere.
we both love spinning circus fire tricks,
thats why she's in my top 5 friends I'd pick.
Obviously thats not that only reason,
Saying things like that is almost treason.
I love her because she is just great,
and I am super happy that she is my mate.
Wednesday 18 March 2009
The Three Bears
I read the story of goldylocks and the three bears to a small child called sammy on monday, I read it really nicely and even did different voices for the different charictors, however what I chose not to discuse with little sammy were the fundermental floors in the plot line which I discuss now:
A) Who goes out for a walk if their porage is to hot? you don't do you. you just blow on it or wait a minute, plus according to goldylocks they were all at differet temperatures anyway.
B) Why didn't they lock the door? I'm willing to overlook this a bit because I realise that some small comunities that live on islands and are all imbread might not lock the doors but it's still not sensible.
C) Why were the bowls of porage different temperatures? surely they were all made in the same pan originally. The only explanation I could think for this is that the sizes of bowls may have had an effect on the temperatures however in this case the smallest bowl (which we presume belongs to baby bear) would be the coldest where as in the story daddy bear's was too hot, mummy bear's was too cold and baby bear's was just right.
D) Why were Mummy and Daddy bear sitting in seperate beds? did they have marital problems?
E) Goldylocks was oviously a young person with behavioural problems who was unacompanyed by an adult. why didn't the bears do anything about this? like phone the police or social services or something. If I found a troubed youth in my bed I would make sure they were reciving the proper care they needed. Maybe the break-in was just a symptom of her tragic home life, or maybe it was a cry for attention.
F) Talking bears?!
If I were re-naming this book I would call it 'The tragic story of a vunrable youngster and three bears who need more child protection training.' and it would not be the kind of thing you would read to your children.
A) Who goes out for a walk if their porage is to hot? you don't do you. you just blow on it or wait a minute, plus according to goldylocks they were all at differet temperatures anyway.
B) Why didn't they lock the door? I'm willing to overlook this a bit because I realise that some small comunities that live on islands and are all imbread might not lock the doors but it's still not sensible.
C) Why were the bowls of porage different temperatures? surely they were all made in the same pan originally. The only explanation I could think for this is that the sizes of bowls may have had an effect on the temperatures however in this case the smallest bowl (which we presume belongs to baby bear) would be the coldest where as in the story daddy bear's was too hot, mummy bear's was too cold and baby bear's was just right.
D) Why were Mummy and Daddy bear sitting in seperate beds? did they have marital problems?
E) Goldylocks was oviously a young person with behavioural problems who was unacompanyed by an adult. why didn't the bears do anything about this? like phone the police or social services or something. If I found a troubed youth in my bed I would make sure they were reciving the proper care they needed. Maybe the break-in was just a symptom of her tragic home life, or maybe it was a cry for attention.
F) Talking bears?!
If I were re-naming this book I would call it 'The tragic story of a vunrable youngster and three bears who need more child protection training.' and it would not be the kind of thing you would read to your children.
Tuesday 10 March 2009
Custard Pies
I went to visit my family this weekend, partly because my sister was getting baptised. Also I went into my old secondary school because one of my old art teachers asked me to come in and talk about doing art at uni.
It was very weird going back, I tryed to control my almost uncontrolable urge to be naughty. There are some teachers who made your life misrable for years of your childhood and you could never do anything back and then one day your an adult and you really can say whatever you want to them because you'll never see them again and they can't do anything back, they've lost all their power. That's too gooder oppertunity to miss really.
They have a reputation to keep up infront of there class but no students know you anymore so you could just walk into a lesson and say 'The police are outside and want to question you about selling crack to sixthformers' or 'your plastic surgeon is on the phone he said he can preform the liposuction on thursday' or you could just bring in a whole load of custard pies in and get them.
I did like some teachers though, I've got two lists in my head one is teachers I would custard pie and one is teachers I would bring in a cream cake for. I think I should disgues their names a little bit, as sarah does read my blog in her maths lessons.
Teachers that deserve a cream cake:
Mr Bread Cheif- because he wore clothes from around 1700s like cloaks and top hats and a monacule and a pocket watch and waistcoats, and because he let out the other teachers secreats e.g Mr Everts lives with his mum.
Mr Alive Rock - because he didn't seem to mind when I played hide and seek in his lesson, and he even wasn't that bothered when I put a fake arm that hung from the celling. Also he let us use sock pupets for our bussiness studies presentations.
There were some other nice one two.
Teachers That deserve a custard pie in the face.
Mr Rock dweling- For scweasing my tamogochi until in stoped beeping and then conficating it...forever.
Mrs Lea lum - For making me walk across th gym only wearing a t-shirt because I didn't have the right kind of shorts. For making me do P.E when I was sick the night befor and I have a note. For watching us in the showers, and for not responding well to my consturctive critisim/ petition against her about the showers.
Dr Look tip - For shouting at me in his office too many times.
Mr Childish- For giving someone an award for their help with the charity commitee even though I was head of it an they wern't even on it, and for genrally being an idiot.
It was very weird going back, I tryed to control my almost uncontrolable urge to be naughty. There are some teachers who made your life misrable for years of your childhood and you could never do anything back and then one day your an adult and you really can say whatever you want to them because you'll never see them again and they can't do anything back, they've lost all their power. That's too gooder oppertunity to miss really.
They have a reputation to keep up infront of there class but no students know you anymore so you could just walk into a lesson and say 'The police are outside and want to question you about selling crack to sixthformers' or 'your plastic surgeon is on the phone he said he can preform the liposuction on thursday' or you could just bring in a whole load of custard pies in and get them.
I did like some teachers though, I've got two lists in my head one is teachers I would custard pie and one is teachers I would bring in a cream cake for. I think I should disgues their names a little bit, as sarah does read my blog in her maths lessons.
Teachers that deserve a cream cake:
Mr Bread Cheif- because he wore clothes from around 1700s like cloaks and top hats and a monacule and a pocket watch and waistcoats, and because he let out the other teachers secreats e.g Mr Everts lives with his mum.
Mr Alive Rock - because he didn't seem to mind when I played hide and seek in his lesson, and he even wasn't that bothered when I put a fake arm that hung from the celling. Also he let us use sock pupets for our bussiness studies presentations.
There were some other nice one two.
Teachers That deserve a custard pie in the face.
Mr Rock dweling- For scweasing my tamogochi until in stoped beeping and then conficating it...forever.
Mrs Lea lum - For making me walk across th gym only wearing a t-shirt because I didn't have the right kind of shorts. For making me do P.E when I was sick the night befor and I have a note. For watching us in the showers, and for not responding well to my consturctive critisim/ petition against her about the showers.
Dr Look tip - For shouting at me in his office too many times.
Mr Childish- For giving someone an award for their help with the charity commitee even though I was head of it an they wern't even on it, and for genrally being an idiot.
Thursday 5 March 2009
My Dog
Most people know that I haven't got a dog, and infact I really don't like dogs that much they are ugly and smelly and they make horrible noises and they mess up your house and you have to take them for walks and feed them, I don't know why anyone would have a dog. It would be like haveing a dirty tramp staying in your house rent free for years, except you can't even have a proper conversation with it, and it costs you money.
So maybe I should of title this blog 'Clare's Confusion' I will explain our phone conversation and what I said and what she heard:
Clare: I'm phoning about the youth on friday.
Me: oh I attually won't be there, I'm going home for the weekend.
Clare: ok
Me: yeah I lost my job, so I thought I might as well go back home for a bit.
(Clare hears: I lost my dog so I thought I might go home for a bit.)
Clare: I'm sorry to here it.
Me: yeah, I've still got my other one though so it's ok.
(Clare thinks I'm talking about another dog I have)
Me: it's the one at the bluecoat.
(Clare hears: it's the one with the bluecoat - and thinks that blue coat is a breed of dog not a gallery)
I carry on talking about my job and she eventually twiggs. Ha Ha Ha I found it very funny.
But then I asked her if she is relived or more upset that I lost my job and she said she was relived because losing a dog is a terrible thing bla bla bla, she is obviously one of those deluded people who thinks there is something good about dogs.
A possible idea to combat homelessness: get homeless people to dress as dogs and sit in pet shop windows ready to be bought by deluded dog lovers. It could work.
p.s I'm adding this bit a lot latter- I didn't attually end up losing my job in the end I just didn't have any work for a few weeks and then it picked up again I just thought at the time I wouldn't have anymore work there.
So maybe I should of title this blog 'Clare's Confusion' I will explain our phone conversation and what I said and what she heard:
Clare: I'm phoning about the youth on friday.
Me: oh I attually won't be there, I'm going home for the weekend.
Clare: ok
Me: yeah I lost my job, so I thought I might as well go back home for a bit.
(Clare hears: I lost my dog so I thought I might go home for a bit.)
Clare: I'm sorry to here it.
Me: yeah, I've still got my other one though so it's ok.
(Clare thinks I'm talking about another dog I have)
Me: it's the one at the bluecoat.
(Clare hears: it's the one with the bluecoat - and thinks that blue coat is a breed of dog not a gallery)
I carry on talking about my job and she eventually twiggs. Ha Ha Ha I found it very funny.
But then I asked her if she is relived or more upset that I lost my job and she said she was relived because losing a dog is a terrible thing bla bla bla, she is obviously one of those deluded people who thinks there is something good about dogs.
A possible idea to combat homelessness: get homeless people to dress as dogs and sit in pet shop windows ready to be bought by deluded dog lovers. It could work.
p.s I'm adding this bit a lot latter- I didn't attually end up losing my job in the end I just didn't have any work for a few weeks and then it picked up again I just thought at the time I wouldn't have anymore work there.
Monday 2 March 2009
The Credit Crunch
Every time I here the phrase 'The Credit Crunch' I imagine a big round green moster with big feet a big mouth thats eating up money.
Anyway until this weekend I think the credit cruch or reccession has only really effected me in one minor way, I had to change my supplyier of invisable thread from Wolworths to Rennies the art shop. Although this was difficult to come to terms with at the time, I think I am now over it. I have moved on and found that Rennies can atually meet all of my invisable thread needs, which is quite a lot more than the average persons, I think I've got though 3 rolls this year.
I will now go on a tangent about Rennies : I was in Rennies at the weekend trying to buy a frame (why they sell paper in sizes like 'A1' and sell frames in sizes like 'nearly A1 but annoyingly not quite' I will never know)
oooh Sub tangent: I was buying a frame because I am in an exhabition in the egg cafe called 'The Painted Artical'. If you are my friend you can come, or if you have lots of money to spend on art you can also come. If you are a wierd internet stalker who reads the blogs of people you don't know, you cannot come.
If you are a weird internet stalker and you have money to spend on art... I guess you can come, but you must buy some and you can't be wierd around my friends.
If you are my friend and you are also a wierd internet stalker....I'm not sure, I think maybe you should get some help, and don't bother coming.
End of sub-tangent back to main tangent about Rennies:
Rennies is a bit dodgey this is my conversation with them on saturday
Me: How much is an A1 frame?
Them: We don't do them but we can make one up for you.
Me: How much?
Them: £23.99
Me: oh
Them: are you a student? we have a discount.
Me: No
Them: are you a student?
Me: No
Them: are you a student?
Me: NO I'M NOT A STUDENT!!!!!
Them: Are you a student?
Me: oooh
Them: Are you a student?
Me: ....I guess I could be.
end of tangent back to my serrious dicussion about the reccession:
This weekend I have found out that my gallery job has no funding for the next exhabition and therefor isn't really employing casual staff anymore. This is not a good time or place to be an artist. Everyone had too much art in 2008 with Liverpool being the capital of culture and all. so in 2009 Liverpool has become the capital of poverty and uglyness. Art has been outlawed and all artists will be put to death.... Ok I'm exadurating slightly. So I have very little work, I could have got my denim jacket on found a picket line and shouted angrly in a newcastle accent, but I chose to just pop down to the job center and have a look at what's avalible.
I will leave you with this question:
what would happen if artist went on strike?
would people care? would they get a pay rise?
what would the world look like if art was banned?
How would it be inforced?
what is art?
is that more than one question?
Anyway until this weekend I think the credit cruch or reccession has only really effected me in one minor way, I had to change my supplyier of invisable thread from Wolworths to Rennies the art shop. Although this was difficult to come to terms with at the time, I think I am now over it. I have moved on and found that Rennies can atually meet all of my invisable thread needs, which is quite a lot more than the average persons, I think I've got though 3 rolls this year.
I will now go on a tangent about Rennies : I was in Rennies at the weekend trying to buy a frame (why they sell paper in sizes like 'A1' and sell frames in sizes like 'nearly A1 but annoyingly not quite' I will never know)
oooh Sub tangent: I was buying a frame because I am in an exhabition in the egg cafe called 'The Painted Artical'. If you are my friend you can come, or if you have lots of money to spend on art you can also come. If you are a wierd internet stalker who reads the blogs of people you don't know, you cannot come.
If you are a weird internet stalker and you have money to spend on art... I guess you can come, but you must buy some and you can't be wierd around my friends.
If you are my friend and you are also a wierd internet stalker....I'm not sure, I think maybe you should get some help, and don't bother coming.
End of sub-tangent back to main tangent about Rennies:
Rennies is a bit dodgey this is my conversation with them on saturday
Me: How much is an A1 frame?
Them: We don't do them but we can make one up for you.
Me: How much?
Them: £23.99
Me: oh
Them: are you a student? we have a discount.
Me: No
Them: are you a student?
Me: No
Them: are you a student?
Me: NO I'M NOT A STUDENT!!!!!
Them: Are you a student?
Me: oooh
Them: Are you a student?
Me: ....I guess I could be.
end of tangent back to my serrious dicussion about the reccession:
This weekend I have found out that my gallery job has no funding for the next exhabition and therefor isn't really employing casual staff anymore. This is not a good time or place to be an artist. Everyone had too much art in 2008 with Liverpool being the capital of culture and all. so in 2009 Liverpool has become the capital of poverty and uglyness. Art has been outlawed and all artists will be put to death.... Ok I'm exadurating slightly. So I have very little work, I could have got my denim jacket on found a picket line and shouted angrly in a newcastle accent, but I chose to just pop down to the job center and have a look at what's avalible.
I will leave you with this question:
what would happen if artist went on strike?
would people care? would they get a pay rise?
what would the world look like if art was banned?
How would it be inforced?
what is art?
is that more than one question?
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