Sailing

I went sailing in southampton this weekend, with Dan, my sister Jo, Dad, and my friend Ruth, it was a very tame sail compaired with some I've been on. We didn't do any 14 hour channel crossings, we didn't have to bail out because of a hole in the boat, it wasn't force 8 and no one was sick in a sause pan. It was nice! I think ellen mcather is cool, she is my 3rd favorite celebrity but I think she's a bit of a nutter. Like imagin sailing round the whole world but you can't get out and visit anywhere because it's a race. and imagin have a masive boat but virtually all the space is taken up with tecnical equipment and you can only sleep for 15 minuets at a time, and imagin not being able to see anything but sea for 60 days or whatever.

The most difficult part of our trip was when eveyone but my dad were in the little inflateble dingy that you row to get ashore and we were rowing back to our boat Lucy, but there was a really strong current and wind against us and after 5 minuets of very hard rowing we had litrally only gone aroung 5 meters. it wasn't far to go but at this speed it would have taken us at least half an hour. there were two boats inbetween us and Lucy, so I said quite loudly 'maybe we could pull along that boat' and a nice lady said yes you can and ended up throwing us a rope and then pulling us along the lenght of her boat. So then I said 'maybe we could do the same on that boat' and a man from the next boat came out with a rope so eventually we got back to Lucy. The funnist bit was when the lady made some comment about us getting pack to our parents and Ruth randomly shouted out 'Jerry' so as to disasosiate herself from our family.

I had a new invention this weekend, on of my more realistic and better ones not like the disposable baby. It's a waterproof video projector so that you can watch a film when it's dark and your sailing by projecting it onto the sail. Jaws or Titanic would be good films I think. I'm quite proud of that idea it's right up there with the hot tub maze that you swim round.

Being Escorted

I got called into my bosses office at work yesterday (the work with naughty kids not the gallery) and he sat me down and said 'just to warn you, one of the students has been overheard making plans to attack you on her last day, so make sure your not on your own and I'll escort you out at the end of the day.' I was quite chuffed to be escorted round like a victim of crime, for the day, I'm sure the novelty would wear if it went on any longer. Luckly her last day is friday and I don't work fridays but I don't she she knows that so her plan was flawed from the start.

Other than that it was a fun day I watched them reherse their end of term play, and had a funny backstage conversation with one boy who said he made a deal with the teacher that he didn't have to do the dance because he's not gay, but the dance made him question his sexuality.

I played den making with the kids I live with when I got home and then as they were going to bed I went out to the park, I always go out just as their going to bed which I think is what led to Isacc's (age 6) question the other day: 'Hannah are you nocturnal- like a bat?'

disposible babies

I'll get on to them in a sec but I will first follow that train of thought backwards to my first invention idea disposable bikes. I have had 5 bikes since I've been in liverpool which is just under 4 years and my current bake is diying. This is how they all died.

bike 1: old age.

I had it since I was about 10 and before that my friend becky had it and she bough it second hand so it really was old and I used it a lot, it was like my only source of comfort while I was failing all my driving tests.

Bike 2: Crushed to death.

by a crowd of angry everton suporters, and I got told off by police for leaving it locked up so close to goodison park.

Bike 3: expolded.

It really died as an inderect repruction of having it's tyres let down by my lovely class, I didn't have a pump so I had to use the air at a petrol station but that pumped it up too much which made the tyre explode half an hour later, and when I was fixing that I broke the breaks and I just got so fed up with it that I abandoned it in town. It was a kids bike that my little sister's friend won in a compotition and then grew out of anyway.

Bike 4: Vandalised.

Bike 4 wasn't mine I just borrowed it whilst bike 3 was broken which was a few months but unfortunatly one of my class decided to throw it down the stairs, so I had to pay to have it repaired and then give it back before anything else happened.

Bike 5 is the only adult bake I've ever owned and is the only bike I've ever bought new. It is just about still going but it never stays inside so it is slowly rusting to death. : (

So this is what ispired my new invention dissposible bikes, made of paper use once and then screw up into a ball and bin it, or I guess you could recycle it if your one of them. I'm not sure how it would work, I'm an artist not a micanic but you'd always keep about 10 in your poket ready to unfold at anypoint.

This led me to think of other dissposible products it's quite easy, just think of a word and then say disposible before it. dissposible houses, dissposible roads ect. and I though about dissposble nappies because they are a real thing, but the problem with them is it's not the nappies fault, you can put a nappy on a doll and you'll never have to change it, the problem lies with the baby so that's when I had the genious idea of disposable babies.

I will leave you with a quote from madonna or kylie or one of them kinds of people:

'Coz we are living in a disposible world,
and I am a disposible girl.'

So she must have started out as a dispossible baby.

Dan's new car

Dan has recently taken over the identity of a 29 year old scotish woman who has moved to New Zeland he is living in her house and driving her car. (It's all legal and non-weird though he attually bought her car and is paying her rent and I don't think he wears her clothes or talks in her accent or anything)

It's a black baddy car with no ceiling if your a girl, and if your a man it Mazda MX5. I think cars are funny things, if it was a house you'd look round it and think: no storage space, poorly insulated roof that sometimes comes off only room for two people, and it's black, you wouldn't buy a house like that would you?! but suddenly when it's a car for some reason it's cool.

I did have a lot of fun in it last night though, we drove to southport topless (you know what I mean) and I sugested we sing the classic sunday school favorite 'Hallelu Hallelu Halleu Hallelluja Praise ye the Lord' where one person is the hallelujas and the other is the praise yeas and you have to stand up when your singing your bit, obviously we didn't stand up but we put our hands up which was fine for me, but I think Dan maybe should of kept a hand on the stearing wheal. I'd like to make a album of topless car songs including that one and YMCA, any sugesstions let me know.