Angel Hair

I normally think spooky paranormal stories are a load of *insert rude word here* and I think I still do. But here is a spooky paranormal thing that has happened to me and Dan recently:

One day a few months ago I was in a grumpy mood, I can't remember why, I think we were off out somewhere and Dan was trying to de-stress me before leaving. He was being lovely I'm sure, but I was still grumpy until we spotted something very unusual as he was getting changed. About 5mm from Dan's nipple was a very long straight white hair it was at least 10cm maybe 20cm long! Dan was more than a little surprised when I pointed it out, he said things like 'what's that?!' and 'it's not attached' however when I pulled it he said 'OWWW!' and my detective skills lead me to believe that this meant it was attached, (that and the gift of sight.) But how could a hair grow that long without being noticed? and why was it white? These are the mysterious big questions of life that remain unanswered. We had a good laugh about the whole thing and it really did put me in a much better mood. Dan even suggested that God sent the hair to cheer me up. This hair has since become know as 'Angel Hair'

Fast forward to last week, and as we're getting into bed Dan tells me that he found and removed another angel hair. I wished he'd let me see it, there aren't many pleasures in life better than seeing long white hairs on your partners nipple right? Dan says 'Maybe God has sent it coz he knows we needed another laugh.' and I say 'well you shouldn't have ripped it out then, you need to save it for our next argument.' THE VERY NEXT NIGHT.... we have a (I'm not going to say argument) we have a healthy solution-focused-conflict, when it's all sorted we go to bed and SUDDENLY I remember the angel hair. 'It was sent for this moment' I say. *cue spooky music*

If that story does not prove the existence of God and angels then I don't know what does.


p.s if you don't know me well, you might think that that last statement was genuine, and I would like to state for the record that although I do believe in God, it has nothing to do with my husbands nipples. Maybe science can explain that one.

I Love My Skin

a poem by Hannah Jones.

I love my Skin,
 it keeps me in,
if there was nowt,
my guts would fall out,
I'd be no fun to cuddle,
as bones and a puddle,
I'm so glad I'm not goo,
coz I want to hug you. x

Berlin

After having a bit of a rubbish summer holiday, we decided to go for a little winter holiday in the lovely city of Berlin. Except we didn't really stay in the lovely bit, we stayed in the red light district. It's the first time Dan had ever seen a prostitute before- aww bless. I've seen about 60, maybe 5 or so in Liverpool and about 55 on my uni trip to Amsterdam. It was all fine though, we didn't feel unsafe or anything, there were just quite a few women who were waiting around on street corners wearing inappropriate footwear for the weather conditions. On the first night after Dan had got over the shock of seeing one, he started using them as landmarks to remember the way back to our hotel, you know like "turn right when you reach the one with the red boots"

One of the best bits of our trip was going to the zoo, we saw a baby elephant, Orang-utans and leopards having "married time" Here is a video of he orang-utans where we have done a voice over of what we think they're saying. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx9a7HqrWio&feature=share&list=UUJpCd0Tly9_aPHQd6MOjmhQ

We went to the savador dali museum and saw what looked like his GCSE work but none of the good famous stuff. I hope one day I'll be famous enough that people will pay to see all the rubbish art I did in school that's under my bed. One of the painting had even been folded in half and then unfolded and put in a frame. I personally think if Salvador himself values that piece so little that he would fold it, then it's not worth framing.

we also went on a cool graffiti art tour and saw stuff like this:

It's a man, made up of men, eating a man, and it was painted in response to the secret police.

I know we're cool and cultured right? except for straight after that Dan ruined our cool and cultured image by going to a takeaway and ordering a pea calzone. and he hates peas.

I will leave you we some of our german made up words:

snugerzkinenkoff

peldontingenburg

shooflesteinencrow

its fun to just say them around germans and see their reactions.

Christmas

Today is not Christmas it's my birthday 'HOORAY!' 'WOOPEE!' 'CONGRATULATIONS!'

Thanks- but I can't tell you anything about it now because I have to write in chronological order, and before my birthday came Christmas, New Year, and our Berlin Trip.

The Great thing about Christmas, now that I'm married is double presents. If you are unmarried and yet to be conceived here is a list how to maximize you present gaining potential. But before you read them I'd just like to say I don't do all of these things, and I do actually like buying people gifts, and Christmas is all about Jesus. I'm just saying if your sole aim in life is to receive more than you give you should do these things:

1) Be the oldest sibling in your family
2) Have many younger siblings
3) Marry someone who has many younger siblings.
4) Prevent your sibling from gaining partners or children by giving them gifts that make them look ugly.
5) Be the first of your family to marry.
6) Have many children.
7) Write thank you letters to all the relatives for which a thank you letter is a deciding factor.
8) Try and encourage you parents to divorce.
9) Make sure your God parents aren't also other relatives who would get you a present anyway.

 most of these work around the fact that when you get married you can just buy the same kind of things you always buy for your relatives and sign them 'from the Joneses' but they often feel obliged to get you two separate presents. I didn't make that rule by the way I'm just stating what society has deemed to be the rules.

So we spent Christmas time in Southport, Coventry and London, and my funnest moment was when an american man who is so distantly related to me that I can't remember the link, was talking about the Isle of Mann and he said 'Can you get a ferry there' but because of his accent it came into my ears as 'Can you get a fairy there.'

That's not especially funny unless you can imagine a middle aged american man ridding a little fairy. Which I could so I laughed and my sister laughed because she knew why I was laughing, but we never really explained why we were laughing to the man.

Wow I think I've pretty much offended my entire family with this post, sorry about that. Love you guys. I really do.

Merry Christmas xx