For the first time I'm going to try a sort of
serious blog post. So, there's been a lot of stuff in the news and social media
about Trump and his new immigration laws that some are calling "the Muslim
ban", which has made me feel quite angry. Then yesterday in a primary
school I had to report some racist Islamaphobic comments I heard.
I'm not really qualified to write a proper
political article with facts and figures and quotes and stuff (I probably could
if I had to but I really would find that boring). So I thought I'd tell you a
true story about my friend the Muslim immigrant (that's not what I call her of
course, her name is Samar). There are so many stories about
"them" in the newspapers, how "they're" taking our jobs or
living off our benefits, probably both at the same time. These stories are
probably untrue, but as that is difficult to prove I will just tell my story
about one family that we have come to know and love since we met them just over
a year ago.
Meeting
On the first day of October 2015 I'd just taken
Percy, who was nearly one, to something at the children's centre. Then, as it
was a nice unusually warm day, I decided to take Percy to the park on the way
back. In the park I saw a Muslim lady (which is not at all unusual in that
park) with her two children aged 1 and 4. For some reason I was feeling extra
friendly that day or maybe just a bit bored. So I started a bit of a
conversation. It's quite easy when you're a mum to talk to other strangers, you
usually start with "aww how old are they?" or something. I wish it
was that easy for non-parents to chat to random strangers, but for some reason
that is unacceptable.
I overheard a bit of Arabic and I do have a
little bit of love for Arabs over other nationalities, from my gap year in Palestine
and our more recent trip through Jordan, Lebanon and Kuwait. So I am probably
more likely to talk to a stranger who looks Arab than a different nationality
that I would know less about, is that racist? I hope not. Quite quickly in the
conversation Samar said it was her first day in Liverpool. They had moved here
from Egypt. She and her husband were both doctors, and her husband (Ahmed) was
at the hospital trying to sort out his work while she was alone with the
children. When she said that I really wanted to be as helpful as possible. It's
hard enough to be new to a city without having to get used to a whole new
culture while juggling work and small children. I tried to say useful
information like where the Children's Centre was and what they did, where the
Arabic centre was, stuff about when you're entitled to free childcare,
etc.
Samar had a lot to sort out in those first few
weeks like somewhere to live, a school for her eldest, eventually she wanted to
find work for herself too, but she would first have to pass english exams and
become registered as a able to work here. I gave her my number and told her to
call me if she needed to ask anything. I left the park not really expecting to
hear from her again but I hoped I would. I later found out that she went home
and told her friends back in Egypt that she talked to a "real British
person".
Becoming friends
One of the first things Samar needed to get
around and do anything was a pram. She phoned me to ask where she could buy
one, I remember spelling out "Mothercare" so she could google it. She
ended up buying a second hand one that broke the next day, and I thought I
could probably help her out here. I'm in a Facebook group of mums in my church
so I asked if anyone had one spare and then I arranged to take it to Samar. She
was very grateful and gave me a lot of cake and hot chocolate. Over the next
few weeks she phoned me with a few questions about housing and where she could
buy certain things. At the same point in time Percy became very ill with pneumonia
and we were in and out of hospital for most of the month. Although I barely
knew Samar she offered to come and visit us and she told me she was praying for
us. When we came out of hospital she offered to come round and help me cook. I
told her "It's ok, when British people are tired they just get take
away."
The banquet
A month or so later, when Percy was better, we
were invited round to their newly rented flat for a traditional Egyptian feast.
When a Brit invites you round for a meal they might spend half a hour to an
hour cooking, if they're feeling generous they might also provide a pudding.
Egyptian hospitality is incredible. Samar spent all morning cooking every kind
of Egyptian delight. The way Arabs cook rice is like a whole new better way of
life, it takes about 45 minutes and involves many stages of soaking and frying
in oil and salt. I guess its not as healthy as our plain boiled rice but it
tastes soooo good. I could eat it on it's own as a meal. I've just written down
the recipe actually so I'm going to learn. As if all this wasn't enough, Samar
also made desserts and a lasagna from scratch just in case we didn't like
Egyptian food. There was so much food left over that she gave us lots to take
home too.
Awkwardness
I'll be honest, there were a few awkward
cultural differences, which I want to mention in case you feel like befriending
a Muslim and want to know what to expect. None of these things were a big deal,
just unexpected. So lunch is at 3pm not the normal British 12:30 or 1. This is
sometimes their only meal of the day! We weren't sure if we were meant to use a
certain hand for eating, so we just ignored that, hopefully we didn't cause
offence. We arrived with a drink, obviously we picked a non alcoholic one, but
the drink didn't get opened and in fact they didn't drink anything with the
meal. In the end I asked for some water because the food was quite salty, but
Dan didn't get offered any. After lunch we had tea. A standard Arab tea is no
milk lots of sugar, I have since taught Samar to make tea for me the more
standard British way, milk and no sugar. I've also introduced them to charity
shops, wellies, blu-tac and advent calendars, non of which they have in
Egypt.
I asked to go to the loo and they didn't have
toilet paper in there because that's not how they do toilet time. Luckily they
do have loo roll in their house so now whenever I go round I just ask for it.
Its the kind of thing thats a bit awkward the first time because you don't
expect it, but after you know what to expect its fine. They pray at set times 5
times a day. Normally if we're round Ahmed will do it while we're still in the
room, facing Mecca and bowing down, Samar will go into another room to do
it.
Money
The newspapers always have stories about immigrants
taking "our" money, and stealing "our" services. But this
is a family who do well on very little. (Ahmed doesn't get a proper doctors
wage because he is still training.) If they were British they would be entitled
to the free childcare that is means tested until the age of 3, but they don't
get that benefit because they are Egyptian. Yes they use the NHS and schools,
just like I do, but over time, especially when Samar gets her licence to
practise medicine here, I'm sure they will pay a lot of tax. At moment I don't
earn enough to pay tax and I am taking up NHS money with being pregnant, ic it
wasn't for Dan's wage I would need some kind of handouts to survive. Samar and
family are so hard working and I've never heard them complain about anything.
Brilliantness
Despite the obvious differences we have a lot in
common. We are almost the same age and have been married the same amount of
time. We are all interested in travelling. We have a lot of beliefs in common,
I think us being christians means we have more in common than if we were
atheists. For example we didn't live together before we were married. Also the
Bible and the Quran have many stories in common, like muslims believe in Jesus
and Moses and Abraham.
I love being friends with someone who's had a
different life experience to most of my friends. It makes for good discussions,
and I kind of think if I can't be friends with another mum living in my local
area, who is the same age as me and super nice, then there's no hope for any
cohesion between people of different faiths or nationalities. They are the some
of the most generous hospitable people we know, and they only people who have
ever bought a duck back from a foreign country in our honour. (a dead one for
eating)
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| At my 30th Birthday |
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| Our boys at the farm |
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| Percy says "back off Trump" |
