It's that time of year again, when I list all the funniest stuff my kids have said so you can know the joy of having children, without any of the inconveniences. You're welcome.
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| The boys school photo |
Lets start with Percy currently age 8 He has a lot of questions:
1) "What's stronger a gorilla or concrete?"
2) "If you fart with your mouth full should you say "pardon me" or should you wait till you've finished your mouthful?"
3) "Do you poo in heaven?"
We used to have a regular spot in church where Percy could ask these kids of questions and the vicar had to answer without knowing what it was. So since we live in France now I texted him this one...he said it says in the bible we eat in heaven so if we eat we have to poo. That make sense, but then when you start thinking do they have toilets then and is it someone's job the clean the toilets, it raises a whole lot more questions.
4) "Do robots have souls?"
5) "Do you know why there's an overload of feminism in this house? Because there's not enough in the rest of the world"
Thanks Percy, although I really don't think there is an overload of feminism in our house. I'd say there's a lot less now that I'm not working.
6) "Do you think they could have ended the war earlier but they were just waiting for 11/11/11?"
I thought this was an interesting question so I looked into it and it's true! And someone got shot that morning, before the ceasefire, all because 11/11/11 is good time to end a war.
Now time for five year old Eric's quotes.
I would say this is the first year Eric has overtaken Percy in the funny and surreal quotes.
1) "Does the queen have elves?"
A genuine question from Eric.
2) "If I grow up fat I'd like to be a policeman, then I would just flop onto the bad guys and they'd stick to my belly."
It's great to have life goals at such an early age.
3) "Im going to miss you so much when you're gone"
- was this Eric taking about his move to France? No, it was Eric talking to a cream egg before he ate it.
4) "My least favourite game is punch your pants" ... I still think I'd prefer that to scrabble to be honest.
5) Dan: water and electricity don't mix
Eric: what about electricity and honey? good combo?
He later followed this up with another physics question....
6) "What would happen if lightning struck a cheese triangle? Would it become a genius?"
7) "I know 5 Eric's ... 3 of them are my imaginary friends one of them is me, and I can't quite remember the other one.
8) Me: can I iron your t-shirt Eric, you look like a scruff?
Eric: no thanks mummy I'm already warm.
That's not actually the reason for ironing Eric.
9) Eric: mummy I love that muesli you bought
Me: oh good what's in it?
Eric: raisins and weed
10) Do tattoos last in heaven?
We spent a long time discussing this one. If you really regretted a tattoo then I guess it wouldn't be there in heaven (if you believe in heaven) but what if you loved a tattoo? And can you get a new tattoo in heaven? And would a heavenly tattoo look shinier than an earth tattoo?
11) "I think I could survive without a head, I'd just throw food down my neck"
I really admire his optimism.
and finally from today:
12) "Granny could you imagine me with more arms?"
And then we had a big chat about if everyone had 4 arms would it take granny less or more time to knit the jumper she's currently knitting for him.
If you enjoyed this you can follow me on twitter to see the best funny quotes as they happen.
Or you can look back at the previous years top quotes with more deep questions like "do ice creams don't like snow? and how do you milk a ghost?"
Really makes you think doesn't it.
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