Kid Quotes of the Year

 What an absolutely ridiculous year 2020 has been, it's like 2020 looked at 2016 (the year all the celebrities died) and thought "I can do better". For the past few years I've been tweeting funny stuff my kids say and at the end of the year doing a round up of my favourite ones. This year more than any, we need a bit of humour. So here it is my 2020 kids quotes of the year, in chronological order:

Percy age 5-6

1) "Eric is too confident" - yes thats a 5 year old talking about a 2 year old.

(Photo by Lindy Rogers Photography)

2) "Mummy you have lines on your head just like Mr. Worry."

3) "Mummy I NEED to watch fireman sam so I can learn about fire safety."

4) "While you're running the bath it might be a good idea to tidy the landing" - he's referring to his mess I asked him to tidy 4 hours earlier.

5) "Mummy I don't really think I'm an omnivore because you force me to eat veg." - I'm sure the Triceratops feels the same.

6) "Mummy I love you from the ground to space, Daddy I love you from the ground to the top of a giraffe" - very sweet, but I did the maths on this and it turns out he loves me 20 thousand more times than he loves Daddy.

7) "Can Ice creams put out fire?" - I put this question on facebook and the general consensus was that if you had enough ice cream and could drop it on a fire it would help. My favourite ice cream question from Percy a few years ago was "Do ice creams don't like snow?"

8) "How big are God's ears? I think 11 houses long."

9) Me: It's 31 degrees out there that's mental.

Percy: Is it more mental than an egg that doesn't split properly?

Me: ?? (remembering back to a conversation weeks ago) Oh you mean a conjoined twin...er I guess 31 degrees is more common than conjoined twins.

10) Playing firemen:

"I put out a fire that was 100 meters big, it weighed 20 tonnes and it took all the water from the Atlantic and Pacific ocean to put it out."

11) Me: GO... TO... BED  

Percy: Mummy you're talking like a robot

12) "Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?"

13) "If Adam and Eve were white why isn't everyone white?" 

14) "What does F...U curly C kicking K spell?" - it spells we're never taking you to this skate park again.

Percy's learnt to read and write this year. check out this short story he wrote this week:

Translation: Once upon a time there was a little boy who wanted to be a magician. He had practised and practised, he was getting better. Till one day something happy happened he was part of the magic circle. The end.

Eric age 2-3

1) "Mummy there's a fire in the lounge." - I went to look, it turns out he meant a fire place.

2) "I have 19 fingers" - he might need to work on his counting a bit.

3) Eric: "Its my baby's birthday" 

Me: "How old are they?" 

Eric: "40"

4) A game of Simon says with Eric:

"Simon says jump like a camel" 

"Simon says cuddle your hair."

5)"What is your nose stuck on with?"

6) "When I'm 91 I think I'll be grown up"

7) "Everyone in the world is my best friend"

This year I have to include a special category for Dan this year:

1) "Could a hamster use a tiny grain of rice as a tampon?"

2) Han: I'm so happy I've finished cleaning out the rabbit. (It was cold and wet outside.)

Dan: Well if I knew thats what made you happy I wouldn't have bothered learning where the clitoris was.

Merry Christmas.

P.s If you enjoyed this you can follow me on twitter where I tweet this stuff as it happens.

Or you can read the best quotes from previous years

2019

2018

2017