The Blood-Stained Hat

I was recently talking to my housemate Danni who's been away at her parents for a few days. We were catching up about what's been happening- she's been ill and I've been getting naked and phoning the police (not at the same time- see previous 2 blogs for details) So I was discribing this woman that I was life modleing for (heavy smoker, bad teath, dyed blond hair in a bowl hair cut, potential lesbian) and that's when Danni started linking the two stories together purly based on the fact that I discribled this woman as a potential lesbian and when I saw the fight in my street a man was shouting 'your a f***ing lesbian' she put 2 and 2 together then divided it by the square root of 43.9 and then multiplied it by pi and together we came up with this possible seniriao:

So this lady who I will give the false name Jackie, was happly marred to a man who I will call Jack. Jack was rooting through a cupboard looking for his favorite grey hat when he came accros a folded up chalk drawing of me naked dated last week. Why had Jakie been drawing naked woman in thir flat? in a fit of rage and jelousy he ripped up the drawing and went in search of her. after half an hour of fruitless searching he did what all bad stalkers do and phone her to ask where she was, Jackie claimed she was shoping but attually she came over to mine bringing a grey hat that she wanted me to wear in my next modeling session. Jack drove around near the shops for ages until he spoted Jackie holding his beloved gray hat. If Jack had been a little more eloquent he would have said 'I am pondering as to why you invited an 24 year old woman round to our flat for a life modling session, and quite franckly your secreacy regarding this matter has lead me to question your sexuality' but Jack who had never been good at confrontation pulled up in his car and started shouting 'your a f***ing lesbian!' over and over again. In the fight the hat was droped on the floor and Jackie was beaten to a pulp. In a panic Jack disposed of her body in greenbank park lake. leaving behing the Blood-stained hat as evedence.

Back to reality- this is the hat found outside my house, it looked a lot more blood-stained than this in real life. The police phoned me back about the incedent I reported, they said it was lads playfighting and I was like really that's not what it sounded like? and then they said 'oh no sorry- it was domestic, half the crimes on my list are play fight and half are domestic I get confused sometimes.' Woo! go mersyside police, hope you don't mistakes like that when your arresting people. I'm half expecting them to phone back and say 'oh atually it was murder'