Citrus fruits

I was thinking today how stupid nursery ryhmes are if you think about them. for example I re-wrote 'oranges and lemons' so it was in slightly more up to date adult language and then changed the names so that it still ryhmed and it came out like this:


“Citrus fruits", said a man who owned newts
"You owe me twenty quid", said a mum with a kid
"When can I expect repayment?" said a tramp on the pavement
"When I am more financially stable", said a cat under a table
"Can you give me a rough estimate of when that is likely?" sang a choir brightly
"It hard to say in this financial climate", said bill who’s my mate.
Here comes a torch go to your room
And here’s a gun, you will meet your doom.

Hey diddle diddle came out like this:

Hey there Cat who can play the violin,
Have you heard about the cattle and their recent lack of gravitational pull?
The puppy found it hilarious,
And indecently do you know where my plate disappeared to?
I think it may have escaped with my cutlery.

imagin saying that to someone, you would get sectioned! and yet we sing it to our children! no wonder kids are so confused. My Dad is proud to say he sang nursery ryhmes to me in the first few hours of my life, he was a nutter filling my inocent mind with rubish! I shall hence forth relate any crazyness back to those detramental moments. love you Dad. x