So this was me 10 years ago
Ok this was at least 11 years ago, but I just wanted to put up a picture of me looking hot. It's not really how I looked in real life though. My blogging photo that I haven't changed in 10 years is a bit more realistic but still a nice one:
Getting up at sunrise is like a natural instagram filter
I've just turned 33 and it is easy to get a bit depressed comparing my present self to my early 20s self. But I've been thinking about the other ways I've changed in that time, and they are mostly good things.
Confidence
Deep down I've always been a massive show off. I know everyone likes to hide their show offyness with a humble brag but I think some people genuinely don't want attention. Which is odd to me. About age 11 was the height of my showing off I was in a rap band, I went to drama class, when I got together with my younger cousins I made them perform. Classic 11 year old antics. Then I got to 15 and didn't want anyone to look at me, and I quit all my loud showing off and swapped it for sulking. Then was quite a happy time aged 19-23 when I liked to make and occasionally exhibit art, that was a good outlet for a while but I just never really knew how to get back into being a show off again until age 26 when I discovered stand up.
People weirdness
When I was 23 I was still weird about talking to "grown ups" I had only recently discovered that in some contexts a 50 year old could be more of a peer than an authority figure. It's a weird time when you're at uni and you're like an adult in term time and then you go back to live in your childhood bedroom and have your meals cooked for you again, it's kind of like living a double life. And I wasn't enough years away from this at 23 for it all to be normal. When I was 23 I lodged with a family but still didn't manage to crack the lodger tenant relationship. If I was unsure about whether I was allowed to do something I wouldn't ask I would just not do it. I've more recently tried that relationship from the other side when my sister came to lodge, that was a lot more chilled but it's still a weird relationship.
Responsibility
I sort of equally like and hate this one. I don't know if I really want to be responsible, but 10 years ago I was only responsible for my self I owned hardly anything, I had some part time work and some zero hours work, I lodged so I didn't pay bills or cook or anything. Me and Dan were going out but we didn't live together or anything. Now I own 2 houses (we've just accepted an offer on the old one) a car, two kids, I'm married and I'm self employed.
Money
When I was 23 I had virtually no disposable income but until the last few months (when a lot of unexpected things happened) we were doing ok for money. We could drive about wherever without thinking too much about fuel costs and we used to get our car valeted every so often at Dobbies. We spent some money on house improvement stuff, last year our christmas present to each other was a driveway. Well half a drive - we're not millionaires and I didn't see the point of splashing out getting the whole thing done when we only have one car. If you saw our car now you would realise we're making some cut backs, it still has monkey hand prints from out trip to the safari park. I might have to give it a hand wash soon.
Resilience
In the last 10 years some bad stuff has happened as well as some good stuff, obvs. I've lived at 6 different addresses with between 1 other person and 9 and a half other people (I was pregnant) I feel like I can cope a bit better with difficult situations now because I've just been through more stuff. Like I had cervical cancer for a bit recently and had to have an operation but that definitely wasn't the worst thing thats happened this decade. The stress of trying to buy a house while living with another family and being pregnant and having a 2 year old was a more stressful overall experience. Even making a spelling mistake on a mosaic and being yelled at by a head teacher was kind of more stressful. When you have cancer everyone comes together to be lovely to you and make meals. Not so much when you've made a spelling mistake on a £2000 mosaic.
Relationships
In the last 10 years I think me and Dan have fairly successfully managed to make the transition from boyfriend and girlfriend to Husband and Wife with 2 kids. It's a huge amount of change and sometimes I wish I was just cycling over to his for an evening of hanging out not having a night of DIY and admin. But I know deep down that he is the least annoying person I could choose to live with and I'm very happy to be doing all this life stuff with him.
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| 2008 |
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| 2018 |
P.s Dan just proof read this for me and said I look the same now as the 2008 picture. I said "no I have a fatter chin now" he said "well we were poor and we walked everywhere, if you want to get your chin back be poor and walk everywhere" I would love to see that as a title for a new diet fad. imagine the book:
"Be Poor and Walk Everywhere" by nutritionalist Dr Dainel Jones.
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