8 things

1) never go to Google image search and type in 'string' if you want a picture of string I'd try 'ball of string'

2) I have renamed my bank 'Santan-dur' because they are stupid. According to their customer service people, internet banking doesn't work if you get to their homepage via google.

3) Yesterday I was teaching Aztec art to year 5s and I heard the teacher say 'good artists are ALWAYS good tidy-uppers' errrr not true! I might even argue that untidy people are more likely to be good artists.

4) I recently asked Dan what he would prefer I gave him out of a wild boar a wild hoar or a wild chore? he answered a wild chore like cutting down trees or something.

5) I dreamt about Lady Gaga's wedding dress it was quite a traditional princess style apart from it was a 2 person dress for her and her husband to wear together. They waddled down the isle facing each other like syamise twins.

6) I have recently joined twitter, I don't fully get it yet, but I was pleased when I saw this fight between Pete waterman and my Dad on BBC breakfast and was able to find Pete on twitter and tell him to back off my Dad. Unfortunately I did it wrong the first time and accidental had a go at a Chinese person. Here's the clip: http://youtu.be/0Rtgk-pIU1w

7) oh yeah the fight (and it wasn't really a fight at all) was because HS2 is going ahead despite the fact I told my MP I didn't want it. You can read about her and her hypnotic eyes here: http://thewonderingsofwibble.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-hypnotic-mp.html

8) Dan is doing some kind of computor training internet thingy called sissco, and I thought 'where have I heard that before' and then I typed sissco onto you tube and relised he is the man that sang 'The thong song.' watch the hilarious video of a black man with dyed white hair from the year 2000 here http://youtu.be/Oai1V7kaFBk

The Mighty Nokia 3310

I'm feeling a certain nostalgia for this:

11 years ago when I was 14 this was the only thing I wanted. I didn't want it for making phone calls of course, I wanted it so I could play snake on the school bus like my friend Gillian. The other side benefit was that I could text whoever I wanted without my parents knowing. I had no desire to do this before age 14 so it was invented just in time. I think a lot of things were invented just in time for me. Like the internet...I was quite a technophobe and didn't have an email address until I was 18 but who needs to use the internet before the age of 18 really? In fact I don't think under 18s should be allowed to use it. They'll only waste time on it. Anyway there was no point in using the internet for homework and stuff when Encarta 95 had all the answers to life's problems. - Oh the good old days before I knew how to copy and paste. I'd print out sheets and sheets from Encarta and cut out the paragraphs I wanted glue them to another piece of paper and draw a picture.

I miss photos two, I do love digital cameras but I feel that they have devalued photos. I liked it when you went on holiday and you had one film of 25 photos...does anyone actually need more than 25 photos of one holiday? Maybe yes if half of them have thumbs in or are just black, but that's the fun of getting photos developed, -that risk that maybe they're all rubbish. At christmas we would take a photo album with a years worth of photos to our grandparents house and sit and tell them about each picture. If they were still alive they would probabley just 'like' my photos on facebook.

10 things to do before I'm 30

I am almost 26... this seems like as good a time as any to write a list of things I'd like to do before I'm 30. They're not in any order.

1) Have at least one baby...I'm hoping to eventually have 2 girls and 1 boy, one them must be ginger or I'll have to keep on having children until I get a ginger one.

2) Drive to Kuwait in a Morris Minor. In memory of my grandparents who drove from Kuwait to England in a Morris Minor is 1953. I'm determined to do this even if I have to fill a lot of forms and use all my savings and come back to no job, it's got to be done.

3) Be an artist for at least 3 days a week.

4) do a some stand up comedy.

5) Laminate some ham and put a cheese string in a glue gun. (maybe as part of my stand up comedy routine.)

6) Do not give in to peer pressure... continue not to iron any of my clothes.

7) Do a mosaic on the all paving stones in the garden.

8) Always have a laugh with Dan.

9) Learn to cook a proper roast.

10) Don't become one of those couple that only hangs out with couples.

My Hypnotic MP

I recently went to visit my MP Luciana Burger. The purpose of my trip was to persuade her that HS2 is a stupid idea, and in turn she would of course persuade the world that HS2 is a stupid idea. HS2 would then be cancelled and everyone would celebrate. If you don't know what HS2 is it's a stupid idea. It's a railway line....and before you go off on one about we need better transport systems bla bla bla, yes we do but not this one this one is a stupid idea. You might be wondering why it's a stupid idea and I will tell you... it's a stupid idea because my Dad says so.

My Dad doesn't know anything about fashion, he probably couldn't name anyone who's in the top 40 music charts, he can only cook boiled eggs and this chicken stew thing, he's a very inefficient ironer, and he can't unicycle and breath at the same time.... but he does have the ability to read a lot of boring facts about HS2 and then decide it's a stupid idea and give a reasoned argument as to why and then become the official spokesperson against HS2.

So when Dan and I were last visiting my parents, Dad asked us to send an email to our MP telling them that HS2 is a stupid idea - but in grown up words, she then offered to meet me to chat about it. I tried to learn some real facts about why it is stupid, and I also decided not to mention that my Dad is the main man against HS2. It was pretty difficult to be persuasive though she's got very hypnotic eyes.

She doesn't look ugly enough to be an MP does she? I asked her what her opinions were on HS2 and she said she didn't feel very strongly either way but in general she was for it, and I found it very difficult to argue with her because she was so nice and smiley, even that photo of her is hypnotising me right now. I need to stop looking at it or I'll start writing what a good idea HS2 is.

Being an Artist

This week I did some talks about being an artist in a school I'm working in. I choose to show some of my kid art work like these from when I was 12...

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I told them that when I was 8 I wanted to be really good at something and I thought about being an olimpic gymnast but decided instead to do lots of art and keep it in a home-made folder. On the inside of the folder I wrote 'If any of this art is sold after my death I would like the money to go to a new big cage for my gerbil goliath' I was quite a forward planner for a child but not quite forward enough to realise the gerbil was likely to die first. The teacher then told the children that basically artist only make money when they die. When it came to question time a girl asked 'what museum would you like your art in when your dead?' ...that was a difficult one to answer, but not quite as difficult as the queston 'How do you make EVERYTHING?'

Ode to my Yaris

Oh little yaris born in 2003,
I cannot say how much we love thee,
I love your effective heating system,
Dan loves your insides, your cogs and pistons,
I love how you're cute and easy to park,
when you carry our canoes it's such a lark,
you can't speed coz your engine is too small,
but I wouldn't swap you for any car at all,
you took a turn for the worst,
when a ford mondao did a speedy reverse,
you were written off category D,
we considered a new car for me,
but I could't ever sell you for scrap,
the idea of that is total crap,
no other car could quite compare,
so we are getting you repaired!

Making Children Bleed

I made a child bleed today, not on purpose of course, I attually pride myself on the fact I have never purposly made a child bleed. Except when I was a child, but that's sort of allowed isn't it. I'm doing a mosaic project in a school. Mosaic sounds like one of those 'awww what a cute hobbie' kind of things that old ladies might do, but in attual fact mosaic artists are well 'ard. To get a good mosaic with any detail you really need to cut the tiles which invoved flicking tiny splinters of glass around the room. I pretty much spent all day kneeling glue and tiny shards of glass I cut my hands a couple of times and I also noticed a little red blob of blood forming on my tights. I had to have a bath when I got home to wash the glass off me. I felt like I'd spent the day rolling in that yellow fluffy stuff people put in their lofts.

I'm doing a residency in the school which is attually really fun, I've worked with all the children in the school making paper mosaics and now they are a bit involved in helping me make the big school mosaic. Today 6 children came to help me do some of the easier bit of the mosaic, the non-cutting part. I swept the whole floor before they came in but that doesn't really elimanate the chance of children hurting themselves. I had warned the teacher it was dangerous but she was still suprised when she had to take glass out of a child. I kind of thought it was enevitable, should that fail a risk assesment?