Sharing A Granchild

I've recently been to france and met all of Dan's french family, he is half french. So we stayed with his french granparents who he calls Mammie and Pappy I'm not sure what I am ment to call them, I think they will be one of those people that I will never use there name to there face, like teachers when you have left school for a bit. In fact they did all have nic names so that we could chat about them without them hearing there names and wanting a translation of everything we're saying, not that we were saying anything horrible, just things that weren't important. For example Pappie's nic name was the clock because clocks= grandfather clook = grandfather = Pappie. and he didn't know what the english word clook was so it was fine.


Anyway the point of this story is that Helen is a very good friend of mine, and I hope I will be friends with her forever but I've thought that about people before and then I've lost touch with them a bit when I've moved away or whatever so I think the only definate way that we will still have contact when we're properly old is if we were related in some way. The most logical way would be if we became sister's in law, but we are both in all girl families so the only way to become sisters in law would be to marry brothers, and I'm already quite fond of Dan and his only brother is 17 and helen is 25 and that would be wrong!

So we're on to plan B sharing a granchild. There are pros and cons with this, cons we won't be related for another a least 20 years but problably more like 35 and if we both have all girls or all boys it won't work, but pros we can marry who we like, and I think there's a fair chance of our children liking eachother because, Me and Helen like each other and she also fancies ginger so basically If I was a man she probably would fancy me. so If I pass on the ginger gene and she passes on the fancing ginger's gene (if that is a gene) were on to a winners and were can have christmases together when were 80. Sorted!

we worked this out ages and ages ago but now Dan lives with Helen, (that's a bit were attually imagain if your grandad from one side was once housemates with your granny from the other side.) so yeah we were talking about our holiday in france and how Dan's Mammie taught him to make gallets which is like a savory pancake, and I said to Helen 'Dan is going to pass this knowledge on to his granchildren....who will also be your granchildren!' and then Helen got freaked out when she remebered the plan, esspecially when I wouldn't leave it and asked here to bick what granny name she wanted like gran or Nan or grandmar or whatever. she said we could decided on that another day, but I hope she lets be have Nana so I can be Nana Hannah. Watch this space (well not litrally this space wach her's or my offsprings womb.)

being blond

I'm being a bit blond at the moment, I don't mean the sun has bleached my hair. I mean metaphorically blond. I went to work on monday at 10am and after two hours my boss said, 'your not on the rota' so I got sent home. This really wasn't a good day for me to get sent home either because I've just moved house and the people who lived in the house before were very smelly and dirty boys, and monday was the day the cleaners were in all day shampooing the carpets.

But don't be sad, there is a happy ending! As I was walking out I was telling the guys who work on the kids art activieties (which I also do sometimes) how silly I am and they said, can you stay and help us we're one person short. so it all worked out great and you get paid over twice as much to painting with kids as you do to talk to difficult people on the phone and try and operate the evil booking system know as patron base.

So the moral is being blonde pays off.

I made an elephant

I made an elephant, it was fun.

That part of the blog was written in the style of my summer holiday 1993 diary which I was forced to write every single day, which I resented and still do!! when I gave it in at school mine was by far the best in the class and I got 2 merits but I remeber thinking 'that was not worth it all that hard work a whole summer ruined by school work, just for two merits! rubish!!

I am moving house in 10 minutes. bye.

Harry Potter

I went to see Harry Potter with Hazel on saturday.

(Dissclamer: I am not a crazy Harry Potter fan, I've never gone to a bookshop at midnight, I've never gone to a Harry Potter themed party although I do have a relitive that does those things.)

I thought is was an alright film, less action than another one I've seen, but that's a good thing, I find wizard fights a bit dull you always know Harry will win in the end. He does need to get some new glasses though....it's funny that for a school boy who's been in a lot of nasty situations he should have definatly broken some more pairs of glasses by now, but even if he'd never broken a pair, surely he doesn't think those glasses are apropriate for a boy his age, they're just silly. he should have gone to specksavers!

I quite enjoyed the love potion bits although it occored to me durring the film that the love potion was like the wizardaery equivelent of the date rape drug. This realisation took the film onto a whole new level, it went from being a childrens story to a serious documentary...but only in my head.

I would give Harry Potter 1 Star, you might think that is harsh and a bit contradictory to everything I have written, but I haven't told you the scale yet:

1 satelight = avoid this film like swine flu, if you know anyone who's seen it wash you're hands before any phisical contact.

1 moon= only go if you've got six weeks of holiday and it rains every day.

1 Star= an ok film, if a hottie asks you to go and see it with you say yes (hazel you are a hottie)

1 galexy = super dopper fun/exciting/funny/thought provoking (circle aprpriate one)

Hmmm.... I don't know if I've ever writen a film review before, maybe at school when you're forced to do things you don't want to do. maybe I should see if I could get a job as a film reviewer, except I'm not really a big fan of films, I prefer real life. Attually I was talking about this today, I've never cryed in a film, but I'm not someone who can't ever cry I just think it's a bit rude to cry in a film when there is a lot worse real life stuff going on in the world.

Rulers + Charcoal = Wrong

I've always hated rulers, I think they are morally wrong as they impose their artifitually strate lines and stiffle creativity, they are kind of like the nazi's of the stationairy world. Some people find my views a little extreamist but they are mainly scientists so I'm not that bothered.

I was teaching my art class yesterday, and we were using charcoal, charcoal is like the norweigen of the statonairy world, I think every one likes charcoal and I think everyone likes norweigens, they always win the eurovision anyway. So everyone was drawing with the charcoal and one girl got a bit gruby and I wouldn't let her go out to wash, so I tryed to encorage her by telling her she looked like an artist but she then took it too far and crushed her charcoal and spread it all over her and then shouted 'I'm an artist' and whilst I was distracted by this I failed to notice a boy using charcoal and a ruler.......wrong wrong wrong! you just can't mix the two, it made me laugh a lot, and then the boy looked a bit emmbarrassed so I tried to turn it into a positive by saying to the class 'Jack (not his real name) is really pushing the bondaries here, I've never seen an artist using charcoal with a ruler before' unfortunatly it came out a bit sarcastic sounding.

Later on I was trying to convey the levels of wrongness with a phyisist. Physisists are sometimes the hardist people to explain my concepts to, I couldn't think of a physics equivelent, but I told him a chemistry one: it's like the same as trying to do a titration (this experiment where you mix two clear things to make a pink thing but you have to be really precise) whilst wearing boxing gloves. He disagreed.

Twins

I went to seem some preformance art this weekend call 'Twins-How do I know I am me?' I purswaded Dan to come by saying 'we always go to the cinama but we never go to see freaky twin live art' It was run by the bluecoat so I've been slightly involved in making it by helping audition the twins. The artist Angie is a funny but lovely german lady who has done a simalar thing in cologne which is twinned with liverpool, and so she came to do it here because she is fasinated with twins. She is atually sat infront of me now coz I am on T & I at the bluecoat which is basically the reception except we if we call it that we will get in trouble. Anyway Angie is about 70 and she is wearing a short green skirt with black spots over beige combat trousers, she had a turqois denim jacket, long grey hair in a high bun and two clashing ball balls for earings. although the first time I ment her she had one ball ball earing and one mini pack of cards earing. you've got to love crazy old lady german artists, I'm planning on being one one day, (without the german.)

So we went to this preformance in a giant wearhouse where at first you are sectioned off by a wall of falling water and a wall of police lines with megaphones attached to the end. you can see a few sets of twins some are knitting on two half sofas attached high up on the wall, some are somking and sitting on a piano, some are facing eachother ect, then after the twins facing eachother have run around a bit, the smoking twins come and pull back the police line curtain so everyone can come into the main space and discover another set of twins in a white cube playing pairs. Then for the next two hours you wonder around watching whichever twins are doing the most interesting thing. it was a bit like being at the zoo. some twins started flying on harnesses at one point and then other twins ran to a room and a few people followed then and they go naked and stood facing a wall and a picture of naked jews from the holocourst was projected on their naked bums.

After leaving the preformanc piece I had a big craving for a mac donalds apple pie, I felt it was quite ironic being in a mac donalds surrounded by 1000 scallies at 11 at night after attending such a cultural event, it was like I suddenly gone down a class. We did manage to avoid the druken teanagers and girls on a hen night by going through the drive through and then eating the apple pie at his though.

Alife ba ta

My head is a weird place, sometimes I appreciate it's abstract nature but I sometimes think it's unfair that I am the only person in the whole wide world who can't escape from it. Last night I drempt my bike was stolen and I had to got to work on a space hopper. In real life my concious head would say 'why don't you walk? it's probably quicker and your less likley to get youths throwing sticks at you.' but in dreams there is no voice of reality which is quite fun.

so anyway today somethng ever weirder came into my head, and this was into my concious awake head! it was the lyrics to Michael Jackson's ABC but in arabic. which is something like this:

Alife Ba Ta, (ABC)
it's easy as, Whahed Itneen Talade (123)
As simple as.. (I don't know what doe ray me is)
Alife Ba Ta, Whahed Itneen Talade,
Habbeepti ana wa inti (baby you and me)

That's if you were speeking to a woman, if you were speeking to a man the last bit would be:

Habbeebi ana wa inter

or if you were speeking to an attual baby, but still just using an affectionate word not litrally say an infant you get to use my favorite arabic word 'Habboobbie'

cracks me up every time.