Grown-up Stuff

A lot of things are changing for me at the moment....I don't mean like I'm going through puberty or the menopause or something....I mean like life stuff like moving jobs and moving house and getting a car that a few years ago was 'grown up stuff' and now is just stuff, but quite exciting stuff. Even though I am doing relitively grown up stuff now I still apparently look like a teanager, I'm kind of board of that now, I think people don't really look properly, they see I'm a bit shorter than average and think I must be not fully grown and therefore still a teenager and they don't look at my slightly wrinkerly 24 year old eyes.

This old man who was a volunteer in the gallery I work at insulted me by not looking at my 24 year old eyes today:

old man: are you on work experience?

me: no I work here.

old man: oh is this just a little job for you before you go to uni?

me: no I've been to uni

old man: oh! you must be older than 21!

me: I'm 24

old man: you must be able to get a better job than working here with your dergee what was it in?

me: Art

old man: oh well, nervermind.

he pretty much insulted me at every stage of the conversation. If he though it was such a bad job why was he volunteering? at least I was being paid.

So anyway my new job is being an art workshop leader in lots of schools all over the north west. (that is replacing my job with the naughty kids but I will still do causal gallery work as a top up job) This company that have taken me on only take people on recomendation, and my friend Roz recomended me which ment I had the easist interview ever because there was no compotition, I just had to not be a total weirdo which I nearly managed. The interview was not far from my house just the other side of sefton park but not on a bus route so I cycled, but the problem was-
A: rain makes everywhere muddy
B: if you cycle through the park it is easy to come out the wrong exit and get lost
C: riding as fast as you can because you are lost when it is muddy and you don't have mud gaurds on your bike is not sensible before an interview.

The place I was interviewed had no mirrors so I have no idea if I had mud on my face, I definatly had some splatterd up my jumper, and when I got home there was some on my neck which I'm hoping was from the ride home. The point is I still got the job.

I didn't really manage to get rid of that first impression a few days later when I went to their office to give in stuff for a CRB check, it was really really pouring down like - you have to change your underwear when you get home wet. I'd brought my 8 previous CRB check with me just to prove that if I'm a weirdo, it's the safe kind. I discoverd CRBs are not waterproof even if they're in a waterproof-ish bag. the the ink runs everwhere so I can't even prove I'm not a crimanal now.

So that is the story of my new job, I also have to get a car to do that job, (I hope I have more luck with cars than bikes, I'm currently on my 7th bike since I've been in liverpool, which is 5 years.) and also I'm moving house to a different area of liverpool I've never lived in before. Tonight is my last night in this house before I move to my new house via the exciting detinations of Uganda and Coventry.

Tattoos

I'm either going through soem late teanage rebellion or early midlife crisis but I feel like changing my image a bit, not because I don't like who I am or anything I'm just board. I was considering getting a tattoo or a peircing or changing my hair. I think I've ruled out a tattoo now because it's to permanate, as I said to Dan 'I don't thnk I can make a decision about something I want now and be happy with it for the rest of my life' which I've since discoved is not a very reasuring thing to say to someone your in a serious relationship with. If I was going to have a tattoo though I think I'd like to have something useful like the 7 times table or the london tube map or the periodic table tattooed on to me. I'm suprised more people don't do that, there's no point having information you already know tatooed to you, like your children's names or whatever, you might as well have a french verb table or something. unless people who have there kids names tattooed on them do it coz they can't remember their kids names.

So I'm thinking about having my nose peirced, and if I can get my hair braided well I'm in uganda I will definatly do that.

Posh Protesting

This week my family were involved in the poshist protest I've ever seen. If your village was about to be destroyed to make way for a high speed railway would you get a marching band? Or would you think 'I shall juggle my clubs in anger' like my sister. I saw the whole news item on midlands today and infront of the marching band was 3 or 4 tractors. I think the people of northen Ireland and Gaza could learn at lot from the people of Burton Green. There posh protesting might not get them anything but at least it is fun for all the family.

The Chinese

You may have noticed that more than half of my blog comments are in Chinese. I'm not sure quite why Chinese people would want to read my blog and whether they would understand it. Some of the humour I think would be quite hard even for an American to understand. Even if they were google translating it, I don't think they could undrestand esspecially as google translate can't translate spelling misstakes. (although my spelling misstakes are there for a reason, more than just anakey - it's because what you write on a blog is copyright of google so if I ever wanted to publish any of it I could just spellcheck it and then I would own the rights to the good version.) I rarely understand the Chinese comments even when they've translated them into English. For example one of the comments on my blog 'scrumdelicious' when I translated it came out as 'you cannot control the weather but you can change the heart' and on my blog 'scrumdelious' google translate tells me they wrote 'Thinking and theory, you call the first action, but action is more noble than the ideas or theories'

you can see how unacurrate google translate is by translating a sentence into chinese and then back to English again. My first sentence come out like this:

'You may have noticed that more than half of the comments in my blog. I do not know why the Chinese people very much want to see my blog, they will understand it better. For some I think humor is very difficult, even for Americans to understand'

even more funny is points 4 and 5 from my previous blog:

'4) Your idea is interesting holiday sailing across the English Channel 7 take effect, the opposite of a Palestinian refugee camp stranded in Uganda, some even more interesting than the packet camping holiday.
5) The ability to roar once you have an apple.'

next time I have an apple I will roar, that sounds like a fun tradition to start. Here is a message for the chinese, all one billion of them:
感谢您的消息，但我并不总是理解他们。

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day Father,

here are some resons why you are my favorite dad


1) when I was little and I used to play pretend games you would be anything I told you to be, even if it was a climbing frame or someone pretending to be someone else.
2) you can make a perfect boiled egg.
3) you encorage my rebelious side.
4) your ideas of fun holidays are sailing in force 7 across the channel, staying opposite a refugee camp in palestine and camping in uganda- definatly more fun than the package holiday stuff.
5) you have the ability to peal an apple in one go.
6) I haven't got any other Dads


I hope you enjoy the novelty fathers day hankies I made you, and I hope you find blowing you're nose on pictures of things you hate is theraputic for you. I esspecially like the Areil Sharon hankie I think there may be a gap in the market for personalised policical hankies.

Patron Base Rap

Today I recorded a rap, like many rappers I like to rap about difficult things I am going through in this case it was the challenge of using an annoying piece of software called patron base at the gallery I work in. when I went to record it the Rap guy asked me how Fat I wanted my beat and I said 12 stone. I'm so Ghetto!

Scrumdelicious

I am a bit odd...most people know that and I think odd people attract odd people so I have a lot of odd friends, which makes me feel normal until I meet a normal person.

So me a Dan are both a bit wierd which makes things fun. On our first date before we were officially going out Dan said a few times 'what do normal people do?' and then he came up with the phrase 'more than normal' which is a nice way of saying we're weird. People often comment that we suit eachother well because we both have the same surreal sence of humor. The other day we were texting each other it started with me asking how you spell. 'In-ish-a-tive' (which I now know is initiative) and ended with Dan saying he would 'my booty so scrumdelicious' and it's how it got from initative to scrumdelicous booty that I would like to document as a typical Han and Dan text conversation.

Han to Dan:
How do you spell the word that is phenetacally spelt: In-ish-a tive and means thinking of something and doing it without being asked? Even my super clever dyslexic mashine doesn't know. x


Dan to Han:
Initative, I didn't even have to look it up yey me! How's the application going? Love Dan.


Han to Dan:
Thanks, it's going ok. I'm having my ear syrindged tommorrow, : ( have a good rest of the day dictionary Dan.


Dan to Han:
Have a good time at work scrumdelicious Han. Dan


Han to Dan:
My cooking's too scrumdelicious for you babe...sing that to the tune of Destiny's childs boodelicious. we could make it into a pop video with me wearing a sexy apron and you licking chocolate off a whisk! x

Dan to Han:
Oooh if you can engineer a colender into this video I'm yours. As long as I get to be the black one. Dan.

Han to Dan:
With all the melted chocolate I'm going to smother on you you'll look black. x

Dan to Han:
Saucy or rather chocolately! I'd shake my ghetto booty for you. oh yeah sings: my booty so scrumdelicious! Dan