2 kids or 3?

It's a big decision and one we probably won't be making for a while, but it's in my head quite a lot. Stick at 2, or go for 3? Before we had any we talked about wanting 3, then after Percy was born we thought maybe 2 would be enough. Hardly anyone sticks at one do they, I wonder why? We never even considered sticking at one, but the two or three debate seems to be a big one. There are a few things that are pretty much decided.

-If one of us (me or Dan) isn't fully onboard with having 3 it's a no.
-If we go for 3, the gap will have to be bigger than last time, at least 3 years.
-3 is the max (unless twins) after 3 we will be taking long lasting, drastic and permanent contraception solutions.

So given these provisos this is the for and against a third baby:

Sticking at 2.

• No more morning sickness, no more stretching my belly, no more doctors choping at my bits to get a baby out.
• In 3 years time Percy will be in school and Eric will qualify for 30 free hours of nursery if I'm working.
• We will fit in a normal car.
• In a couple of years we could go on a family holiday without taking nappies and a travel cot and a pram.
• I'm much more likely to be able to do interesting things with my life, like take a show to Edinburgh, have a slight career change, have a shower in peace.
• If the boys share a room we will still have a spare room.
• I might get to sleep though the night one day soon.
• I could start saving for a pension.
• A newborn and a toddler is really hard, you're basically always ignoring one of them. Before Percy started nursery I am happy to admit I was only just on the edge of coping and mainly not enjoying it. So for now we are paying £68 per week for a day a half of nursery until it becomes free in January. That's why if we did have another the gap would need to be a bit bigger or we'd need to be a lot richer.
• I could wear my full wardrobe again, not just breast feeding friendly cloths.
• It's easier for other families to invite you round when you're a family of four.
• Everything is made for families of 4.
• I have 2 hands, not 3.
• The average cost of raising a child in the uk is £229000!
• It's better for the environment (I'm not that bothered tbh but that is an argument some people like to make).
• No one has to be the middle child. two boys seems like a simpler dynamic than 3 boys or 2 boys and a girl.
• With a sweaty cycling husband, a pukey baby and a potty training toddler we already do and average of one clothes wash a day. I'm not sure I can take more than that. 
• So far I've been lucky enough not to suffer a miscarriage or post natal depression. Both very common and something I've worried about, if I stop now I won't have to experience either.
• I heard it said by more than one person "after your third your body never goes back".
• We went to a church sale once and I bought children's chairs to upcycle, I only got 2.
  
• A bit controversial this one: we've are so lucky to have two healthy lovely boys maybe we should quit while we're ahead.
• The 3rd child could be twins!
• When my sisters have kids I can be in that smug no nappies phase.
• Tory britain and their silly anti-3 child policy.
• If we have a 3rd child they may one day find this blog and feel unloved.

Having a 3rd

My mum with us 3 sisters.

• I'm one of 3 and it just feels like the right number for a family sometimes.
• Two is the most boring number of children you can have. I hope this doesn't offend the many wonderful parents of 2 children, but the parents of 3 mainly seem a bit more fun.
• Screw you Tories!
• Percy is the cutest big brother and he has said he wants "a dog and some sisters"
• I might be able to have a baby at roughly the same time one of my sisters has a baby and be on maternity leave together.
• As someone with 2 sisters it feels weird to have not had a girl, so if we have a 3rd obviously there's a chance I would be mum to a girl. I think I'm ok with being a mum to 3 boys too so it wouldn't be like we're just trying for a girl.
• Chance of having grandchildren greatly increases. I think depending on your age when you have kids there always a good 20% or 30% chance that your child won't have children. Like, they might not want children, or not find a partner, be gay, not be able to have kids, or maybe they go and live in Australia, or they get divorced and don't see their child much, or they die before having kids. You never imagine your child will get divorced or die before having children, but these things are all possibilities. With two kids you've got a good chance of having grandchildren but 3 obviously increases your chances, you'd be quite unlucky to have 3 kids and no grandchildren.
• When I was 8 my parents told me they were having another baby, until this point I never considered that to be a possibility. Most of my friends just had one sibling and so I was really thrilled to have an extra one.
• Being old enough to remember a baby in the family was really cool.
• I feel like you are more likely to regret not having 3 than having 3 because you will know and love the third.

A compomise
We might consider fostering or adoption one day, if we stuck at just two biological children. Probably not adopting a baby, although that sounds like a nice thing to do I would feel a bit mean, because I can't be bothered going through pregnancy and birth again I'm taking a pre-made baby that could have gone to a couple that can't have babies. I think I would be more likely to adopt a more difficult to place 5 year old or whatever.

I think what it all boils down too is the choice between enjoying my 30s, getting back into work, going on a holiday and being more relaxed about money, but maybe feeling a bit of "What if?"

Or: having a difficult decade of a million nappies and 60 times that a baby is teething, but maybe enjoying a new family dynamic, a bit more chaos, a bit more fun, a bit less normal. And eventually reaching a point where they are all in school and we can relax a tiny bit.

I would love to hear your thoughts on this one.